chessboardturn | IC Inbox

You know I've always been bad at that, right?

[ She says it softly, but at least she's speaking.

Maybe exactly because this is one of those things that's the easiest to talk about with Battler. Someone who knows all the context of the mess from back home without her having to explain, especially compared to all the people she met here. The people who could only hear about it from her. ]

I guess it hasn't changed.. I'm still so bad at letting things go. I wish there was some way to just throw away all those thoughts I keep happening about what happened while I was corrupted. Especially since I--

[ She swallows, trying to hold back even more emotion. ]

I do want to move on.

[ That is a difference compared to before, at least. Back then Ange didn't want to move on from the past. Maybe it's exactly because she learned to move on from it here that she wants to try and move on from the guilt about the corruption episode too. ]

.. how do you do it, onii-chan?

[ It seems like he manages to deal with his own guilt from back home pretty well, after all. ]

...honestly... I don't know. Maybe it's because of my experience with dad and leaving and coming back.

[ He's being honest. The truth is, he's not the greatest at letting things go or just rolling with things. He spent a lot of time arguing with Beatrice, after all! He refused to let go of any of that! So... maybe this isn't advice he can give. ]

Out family has a lot going on. And if I tried to feel bad about all of it, I'd never get anything done, you know? And there's stuff I should feel bad about... and I do... but... I can't really live like that. You can't just stay wrapped up in it, because even if you've done something wrong... you can't try to fix it if you're stuck in that space. Does that make sense?

...

[ There's no answer, not at first. But it's not because Ange can't understand at all. It's more just that she's thinking about it really deeply before replying. ]

Yeah. I do think it makes sense. [ Even if it doesn't solve everything right away - it's a way of thinking about it that she might have to apply here as well. ] After all, I-- I have to take care of Ruby. I have to help her get better. And I can't fix that if I get stuck in my own thoughts instead.. You mean it like that, right?

Yeah, exactly. If you're just stuck beating yourself up and wallowing in it... you're going to miss what's really important.

I.. will try, then.

[ It's still said a little softly. It's hard to muster up full determination when she's still feeling so physically weak after everything, after all. And while she's still struggling with her emotions - if not just a little bit.

Still.. ]

Thank you, onii-chan. I feel like talking to you really helped. [ Because otherwise she would have done just that. Beating herself up, wallowing in those thoughts. ] Maybe you can visit sometime soon, if you have time..?

[ She'd like to see him, even if Ange sucks at saying as much with actual words. ]

Hey. Anytime.

[ He's happy to help. Really. Maybe even especially when she makes mistakes. ]

And yeah, I'll come by. It'll be nice to get back together.

IC Inbox - Deer Country

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